#30DaysofBrave Day 30- Taylor

September is NICU Awareness Month.

Up until recently, September simply signaled the start of my birthday month, the end of summer and the start of fall. Now, it has such a greater meaning to our family. Having a baby in the NICU is something no one can prepare you for. It is like a little club you don’t want to be apart of, but once you are, you are welcomed with open arms and support. There is nothing that can describe the unnatural feeling of leaving your little newborn to go home each night after tucking them in in their little plexiglass container, with tubes and drains, and monitors . But you do it. You find strength in watching your baby. In watching Garrett’s strength, I found a fight in me that I never knew I had.

Our family was very blessed, coming 8 weeks early, Garrett could have and probably should have been much more under developed than he was. We spent 23 days in the NICU, however it felt like much longer. Being there taught us to celebrate little moments and quickly taught us as new parents you have very little control over anything. We learned to take things day by day, as cliche as it sounds, that little mantra is what helped get us through. I had to grieve what I thought my maternity leave would be, instead of sunlit snuggles in bed, we got to know each other amongst beeping monitors and shared some of our most intimate moments surrounded by nurses and medical staff. It was not how I thought my first few weeks of motherhood would be, but I learned to embrace the card we were dealt. All the sadness and scary moments were worth it the day we finally got to dress Garrett in his first outfit, nurse him for the first time, and finally bring him home.

To all the mamas and dads going through it now, you are amazing and strong. It gets better, the chapter will close and life will move on. And of course thank you to all the nurses and doctors who cared for Garrett (and sometimes us) with so much patience and compassion.